Note: Julia Roy gave me permission to write about this. I’m posting it without her reading it first.
A week or so ago I noticed that a tweet on Twitter that showed concern for Julia Roy, a 24-year old social media enthusiast. I’ve never met Julia and while we’ve just started following another on Twitter, she seems to be the way she comes off…a young attractive, enthusiastic woman who has woven social media aspects into both her professional and public life.
It seems that some time last fall, Julia was contacted by one Chuck Adkins via IM. Now Julia is in New York City. Chuck is in Michigan. Apparently Chuck saw Julia, thought she was attractive and noticed that she had posted her IM handle while on Twitter. So he IMed her. They had a few conversations over the course of a couple of weeks. Julia says that she explained to Chuck that she was ‘taken’ and feels that he was “overly complimentary”. Chuck himself admits in an Utterz that he found her to be attractive. Hence, he contacted her.
After hearing both sides I’ve come to the conclusion that, at least of this part of the story, Julia was being both nice and true to her nature, very much the social media maven. Perhaps a bit naive, but also optimistically open.
Chuck seemed to be wanting to make inroads romantically.
Then at one point, Julia asked Chuck what he did for a living. He replied that he blogged full time. He then told Julia that he was unemployed. Truth be told, that’s unfortunate. And Michigan, right now, is going through a very difficult time. Chuck may well be a victim of his surrounding economy. And, yes, that can grate on a man’s soul.
For whatever reason, contacted ended after that conversation. Julia says that Chuck stopped contacting her after that. Chuck says that it was she who stopped the contact, stopped it after he told her that he was unemployed. That seems to have upset Chuck. Greatly upset him.
My take on this part: Julia is a young, active woman living in the most exciting city in the country. Chuck is out of work in an area that is struggling economically. Julia is dating someone. Chuck is not. Julia has a full life. Chuck is looking to address somethings in life that are at least currently not going the way Chuck wants them to be going. Julia has 1207 followers on Twitter, Chuck has 37. Julia’s full life means that she has a lot going on and maintaining this IM relationship with an over-complimentary guy 500 miles away when she is already dating someone is, while not undesirable, not a priority. For Chuck, well, we will soon see how Chuck feels.
You see, Chuck, who apparently didn’t get the fact that Julia has a very busy life, felt personally insulted about the lack of contact (remember, each of them thought the other had stopped contact). So he used social media to attack Julia.
So created this Utterz to declare Julia to be a “dick tease” and a “bitch”. The Utterz goes on for over six minutes. It took him almost half way through to specifically lay down his complaint. This is a public arena folks. He wanted to “warn” other guys about Julia. And he concluded by saying to Julia’s boyfriend, that he’s gladly kick his ass if the boyfriend came out to Michigan to defend Julia’s honor. Now that means a public declaration that anyone can hear. (Including future potential girlfriends and employers.)
This is some serious shit. This was after a couple of weeks of exchanging contacts via the internet. This was after Julia told Chuck that she was seeing someone – which is starkly evident because Chuck declared he’s kick her boyfriend’s ass.
That shows me Julia was honest with Chuck about her social and love life. Right away, that fact, plus the distance between them should have shown Chuck that it wasn’t gonna happen. Regardless of Chuck’s employment status.
Look, I’ve been around enough to know that a ton of women place a lot of significance on how much a man makes. By no means all, but a lot. And that can suck and be shallow. And often the media, or the ad industry, or the entertainment industry makes the guy be the shallow one. But that’s not what happened here. Not at all.
It took Julia a couple of months to find out about the Utterz. Someone apparently clued her in. She responded to the Utterz and then got in an exchange about it shown here:
Julia then blogged about it, to which Chuck responded with two posts. The first is “Julia Roy, not only are you a dick tease, but a bald face liar too” This was followed by “The high tech bimbo bitch leaves me a comment”
In those tweets above he calls her a “bitch”, a “hoe”, a “dick tease”, and a “fucking liar ass bitch”. And from his blog: “She’s obviously got a self inflated opinion of herself. Trust me, she ain’t that damn pretty. I’ve seen, made love to, and been with better looking.”
OK. I’ve had enough. Enough of this f*cking crap.
One thing we’re going to have to remember is that with social media, we don’t get to know people the way we do in person. We may get to be very close to someone, but it’s a different type of relationship. It’s almost entirely based upon style and prose and the setting that it’s in. This is important. And can be especially important for women.
Social media is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Its empowering hundreds of thousands to share ideas, establish relationships, to contribute to what they feel passionate about.
But the seemy side of life doesn’t stop online or at a social media site registration process. We all have to be careful. We can’t be naive. Don’t be paranoid, instead, trust but verify.
To Chuck:
Realize that online relationships that are only a couple weeks old can be about as substantial as a package of salami.
If you’re going to feel insulted by what a woman does or doesn’t do, hold your fire if, as it seems here, you may not have had your facts straight.
f you’re going to complain about the shallowness of a woman, maybe you shouldn’t contact her solely on the basis of her looks.
Don’t be surprised if today’s social media sites are primarily not used for dating services.
If you use Utterz to trash someone, then you’d better have an all-consuming reason to do so. You didn’t here.
And if you use Utterz to trash someone, you’ll be judge on the legitimacy of your point.
You make men look bad.
And what you did was social media abuse.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
He doth protest too much. I like Julia Roy, who wouldn’t. She is all the things you say. And when you’re that open and lovely online, you’re bound to get some abuse.
However, what sort of man uses that sort of language against a woman? What sort of man speaks to and about a woman that way? Wait, who speaks that way about anyone?
Poor form, Chuck, poor form, lad.
PS: A freelance writer might want to know that it is, in fact, “… long enough to see that she and I weren’t couple material.”